Small Pocket

Joey Three Pockets and Other Great Horse Racing Handicappers

The first thing you gotta’ know about Joey Three Pockets (JTP) was that his momma was a heck of a seamstress.  I don’t mean that she ever sewed anything that won any prizes, in fact, her best work never saw the light of day, so to speak, but it sure earned the Three Pockets Clan plenty of dough over the years.

It was a good thing Momma Three Pockets could sew because her obese son was no ball of fire, in fact, as long as I ever knew him, and we’re talking going all the way back to the day, he never had a job.  JTP, as he came to be known by those who knew him and avoided him like the plague, used to go to the track almost every day.

He always sat at the same table in the club house and would loudly yell and scream for the favorite all the way around the track.  If the favorite finished in the money, Joey would loudly shout, “That’s just where I wanted you baby.  That’s how I played it!”

As you know, the favorite only wins about a third of the time, but it finishes in the money, either first, second, or third, about three quarters of the time.  So Joey seemed to win a lot of trifectas.

After the race, JTP’s cousin, Vinny the Broom, would usually yell across the room, “Hey, Joey, you got that?”

If the favorite was in the money, Joey would reach into his pocket and proudly hold up a trifecta ticket with the favorite wheeled in exactly the right position.  To the uninformed, and there’s plenty of them at the track, it was very impressive.  No matter what position the favorite finished in, Joey had it pegged.  It was uncanny.  He just seemed to wheel the favorite in exactly the right spot.  

Vinny would then yell out, “Hey, Joey, how come you din’t wheel ‘em for first?” if the favorite didn’t win.

Whereupon, Joey would make an excuse about how he knew the favorite was going to be a little short or whatever.  It looked like Joey was the smartest handicapper around.  He hit 75% of the trifectas and always had the horse in exactly the right position.  Naturally, people would gravitate toward him and he would gladly strike up conversations with them.

After a while the suckers would be sitting at his table and buying the tickets that Joey told them to buy, but of course, for the valuable information they would also have to buy Joey a ticket or two.  Sometimes the suckers had good days with Joey and sometimes, not so good days.  Eventually, they would find they were losing more than they were winning, but not before Joey got a lot of free tickets that made him some nice money.

The suckers would drift away and the show would begin again.  Joey would be the biggest loudmouth at the track and Vinny would be helping him out by shouting across the room and asking him how he did it.  A new sucker would get curious and soon the whole process would begin anew.

If only those poor suckers knew that Joey’s momma was a good seamstress and had sewn three small pockets into Joey’s big pockets and that he bought a ticket for the favorite in each of the three positions before the race.  He put the ticket with the favorite on top in the first pocket, the ticket with the favorite in the second spot went in the second pocket… well you get what I mean.  

When the race was over, if the favorite won, he simply pulled the ticket from the first hidden pocket.  If it came second, he pulled the ticket from the middle pocket and if it showed, he pulled the ticket from the third pocket.  It was expensive for a while, a losing proposition even though he cashed on 3 out of 4 races, but once he reeled a sucker in, the bets were free.

When superfectas started becoming popular, I once asked Vinny how come Joey didn’t move up to superfectas.  His answer was, “Even Joey’s pockets ain’t that big.”

About the Author

If you want to learn how a horse owner and insider handicaps and read some funny stuff, just go to http://williewins.homestead.com/bestofbill.html and get the truth. Bill Peterson is a former horse race owner and professional handicapper. To see all Bill’s horse racing material go to Horse Racing Handicapping, Bill’s handicapping store.

Lapbook Lessons: Small Pocket

Victorinox 40520 Fibrox 8-Inch Chef’s Knife $24.72 Nothing is worse than going to cut with your cutlery, and having the handle slip around in your hand. To combat this potential for injury, Victorinox has created this Fibrox chef’s knife. The Fibrox® handle is textured and provides a firm grip, even when wet, and does not slip or slide around. It is comfortable and fits naturally to the shape of your hand, and provides an attractive and modern st…

American Weigh Signature Series Black Digital Pocket Scale, 1000 by 0.1 grams $6.99 Product FeaturesDurable and compact digital pocket scale for easy portabilityWeighs items up to 1000 grams in 0.1 gram incrementsEasy-to-read, backlit LCD display; intuitive, flip-open lid protects the smooth, stainless-steel weighing surfacePowered by 2 AAA batteries, a set of which comes includedBacked by a 10-year warranty Amazon.com Product DescriptionFor anyone needing to take a dependable sc…

Fast Weigh MS-500-BLK Digital Pocket Scale, 500 by 0.1 G $4.50 Introducing the M-Series from Fast Weigh Scales! This hip little scale is one of the hottest and most economical scales on the market today! The removable cover keeps the scale protected when not in use and also doubles as an expansion tray. Just replace…

Pockets: Songs for Little People $8.99 …

Small Pocket of Pure Spirit $9.98 …

Nylon DM 5-CD Player Sports Pack $25.99 2/8/200615-19-33……

Smith’s PP1 Pocket Pal Multifunction Sharpener $7.03 ATTRIBUTES Grit: Coarse/Medium Material: Carbide Ceramic & Diamond  Special Features: Tapered Diamond Rod For Sharpening Serrated and Straight Edges Carbide Blades Quickly Set Your Edge Ceramic Stones Give You A Razor Sharp Edge Reversible and Replaceable Carbide Blades and Ceramic Stones Lanyard Hole Type: Hand Held…

AccuSharp 001 Knife Sharpener $5.33 This knife shapener sharpens any double edge blade whether serrated or plain, thick or thin and it will do it faster than youd believe possible. AccuSharp sharpeners are the best, easiest and fastest sharpeners around. The difference is in the specially formulated, precision ground and mounted tungsten carbide blades….

Streamlight 73001 Nano Light Miniature Keychain LED Flashlight, Black $3.50 FEATURES Easily attaches to just about anything with pocket clip or key ring: 1 Up to 8 hours run time: 2 Machined aircraft grade aluminum with anodized finish: 3 Uses 4 alkaline button cell batteries included: 4 White LED bulb with 10 lumens: 5 Weatherproof: 6 Includes a non-rotating snap hook for easy one handed operation when atta…

Small Change $14.98 Critic Pauline Kael neatly summed up the timeless appeal of François Truffaut’s 1976 film by calling it “that rarity–a poetic comedy that’s really funny.” In other words, Truffaut’s brilliant, upbeat study of resilient children in a French village is both artistically satisfying and joyously entertaining, proving yet again (after his acclaimed debut film The 400 Blows) that few directors remembe…